A Simple Matter (Day 435)

I am told 

  it’s a simple matter 

      to grow old.

To grow old but 

   to want 

      to look

  a certain way

  at younger men

  and be looked at in return.

To want to look 

  at photos

    of people who are alive

      not at the dead ends

      of my long-lost friends.

I feel too big 

  to become so small. 

I feel too hard 

  to become so soft,

too young 

  to become invisible

yet.

I am assured 

that even if 

I am alone   which I expect 

I will be    since you left me

that   

there will be 

some charity or other

  to drop in on me 

    as I knit socks by the window.

But that isn’t 

how I want it 

to be.

(c) 2018, by Hannah Six

Image: Vincent van Gogh, Scheveningen Woman Knitting, watercolor on paper